PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY ABOUT HUMAN FUNCTIONING AND THERAPY:

I think of the ocean as a beautiful metaphor for life, especially the giant waves. That is, we can choose to avoid the large waves or the entire ocean altogether; or we can choose to allow ourselves to be thrown around helplessly by these great forces of nature; or we can choose to persevere and learn to harness the immense power of these waves as we ride them out and gain unforgettable experiences.

I am often amazed at the resiliency of the people I get to meet through my work. Whether it’s a student returning to university after 20 years while trying to balance a full-time job with a family, or a client who has refused to let years of abuse and multiple crises prevent them from persevering through the most difficult times, I am frequently filled with respect for people who rise to the many challenges life throws at them. They might get pounded by wave after wave but they keep going back into the ocean and—although not always aware of it—do often learn to gain a greater sense of mastery or control over their environment than before.

As I tell every one of my students and clients, gaining a greater sense of control over our environments, both internal and external, is the most important thing we strive for our entire life, whether we’re aware of it or not. And virtually all major problems in life can be traced back to an issue of control. Even if we cannot control the world around us as much as we’d like, we can learn to better control our thoughts and reactions to our surroundings and experiences.

Even when a client has had a "breakdown"-the ultimate loss of control—I point out that they are actually exercising some control when they try to do something about their situation by coming to therapy; and this puts them further ahead of the game than most people. I also stress that there’s a reason for such "breakdowns": It’s the mind and body’s way of saying that they need to make some important changes in their life, including how they think and feel about things; how they relate to others; how they interpret and process their experiences, and so on.

But if you feel there’s room for change or improvement in your life with respect to yourself, your relationships, your schooling, your career, etc., I hope you don’t need a "breakdown" to motivate you to take steps toward making those changes. One such change often involves learning to accept yourself for who you are, rather than striving to fill some "fantasy" of how you “should” be. Have you ever really questioned where such fantasies come from? Or how strongly unrealistic expectations about yourself and your life have affected you? Therapy can help you address these and many other critical questions.